Focus according to dictionary.com has 9 different meanings. What i particularly like is when focus is used as a verb, it would mean to concentrate. hmmm such a common word Focus is, yet when I get to encounter the chance to get to know it, I get swallowed by my BFF Lazy. Lazy, another word I so love oh too much. Unlike Focus, I dont have to look into a dictionary to know what it means. Ive lived with Lazy all my 22 or so years. Wow! I amaze myself with the way im personifying blant words.. hehehe lokaret jud.. Point is im loosing focus. No, actually Ive never had it from the beginning.

What did I learn while in law school? I learned that Im Lazy, a selective reader, and I that I embrace distractions all so willingly. Everyday since day 1 of school, Ive been bombarded with so many cases and books to read. Oh I read alright, but I dont comprehend or even if I do, they all get charged to my short term memory, and its span is only about 24 hours. All gets so blurry thereafter.

I remember why I wanted to study law, coz I want to out do myself. I wanna turn my back to Lazy, shes so fun and welcoming. Distraction is such a doll, he gives me so many exciting things to do. Focus on the other hand is boring, and painful..

I need to revamp mylife, tell me how do you focus? hays I need help..

“INGAT KA NENENG” This documentary made by the PROBE TEAM hosted by Che-Che Lazaro was about the very existent and real child trafficking practice in our country. The film featured minors from remote areas of Samar, a poor and seemingly desolate province, whom are subjected to sex slavery or prostitution. The parents and the children being tricked into thinking they were to be given a good job in Manila, instead the hopeful girls found themselves in a casa or brothel, a haven for prostitution. I am not surprised why these “Child Traffickers” chose areas such as that in the film. One could assume that the people in those kinds of places are in dire need for financial support, thus they would tend to grab any hint opportunity to earn more. It is just sad to know that even relatives, whom you would think as one who would share in the protection of your child, would be the perpetrator of such heartless acts. It is also a shame that there are not many programs or even adequate laws that protect the very vulnerable children. The watchdogs of government on this matters of concern are just not enough to safeguard our children from notorious individuals that are preying on their slum dispositions. As a member of the youth sector of society, I pity and feel bad for the children who have suffered this predicament, as I know the trauma and horror of their experiences in the brothels will mark them for life. In their age, they should have been busy in developing their talent or in enhancing a skill or discovering their identity. Instead they have been maltreated and are traded as mere commodities for the satisfaction of some peoples insatiable lusts. The damage done is so great that repair seems very faint. Thus in the long run, it would be society that would suffer the ill effects of a shattered personality coupled by possible violence and indifference towards betterment. The film is a call for more hands to be lent. Its is a call for the viewers to not turn the other cheek or simply pretend it does not exist, because we all know it does. Our society has grown apathy towards these pitiful conditions. Do we then accept that its is part of who we are? When will we act? When it would be our children's turn to suffer the same? We have become numb to horrifying realities but we weep with sincerity over fantasy and concerted drama.

23rd Psalm for Students

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break
He restores my faith in study guides
He leads me to better study habits
For my grades' sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades
I will not have a nervous breakdown
For thou art with me
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me
Thou givest me the answer in moments of blankness
Thou anointest my head with understanding
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognise.
Surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
All the days of my examinations
And I shall not have to dwell in this exam hall forever.

- Author Unknown

i love this poem, since i read it when i was in grade school...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Prayer for Protection

Princes shall come out of Egypt,
Ethiopia shall stretch forth her
hand unto God. Oh thou God
of Ethiopia, thou God of divine
majesty, thy spirit come within our
hearts to dwell in the pasts of righteousness.
That the hungry be fed,
the sick nourished, the aged protected,
and the infant cared for. Teach us
love and loyalty as it is in Zion.

Single Woman's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.

One who's handsome, smart and strong,
Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong.

One who thinks before he speaks.
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,
Won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh send me a man who will make love to my mind.
Know what to say when I ask "How fat is my behind?"

One who'll make love till my body's a' itchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen.

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never compare me to my best friend.

Thank you in advance and now I'll just wait,
For I know you will send him before it's too late.

Amen

- Author Unknown

Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.

- St. Francis of Assisi

I just got my tshirt from the presidentof our class. I got it late, its supposed to be worn for intramurals to represent the law department, anyway intrams bores me, so its ok.. Funny how the print says "Pain Has a Purpose". Makes me think of all the pains i went through. Some of which still feels sore, some are just distant memories, some i shudder remembering. I do agree that pain does have a purpose, its just that we often times dwell too much on the hurt and suffering it brings. The anguish, sorrow, tears, sleepless nights, and trauma these pains bring make us not want to be in the same disposition ever again. Question, do we get the purpose? I think not. There is so many songs, poems, art and etc. that express the pain the artists feel, but rarely do you hear or see a contemplation or an understanding of that pain. I personally havent seen anyone in gratitude for the pain while in pain. Oh maybe physical pain being welcomed(self inflicted or otherwise) but welcoming the pain is different from understanding and accepting why it happens. But no one in their right mind would choose to be in pain, i mean do u? Ive welcomed pain but i didnt really understand fully or if given a more beneficial choice I wouldnt choose pain. Im thinking, I should post this phrase in my room, noh? It should be a reminder that though I might be in pain, this has a purpose? The question is, is the pain for better or for worse? I guess I'll have to find out after the pain subsides.

Hmmm lemme list my current pains and evaluate which of them I seems to bring a good purpose. In no particular order and category:

• not sleeping 8hrs a day
• the long list of cases i have to read AND understand
• my tight panties
• my hagard look (its a pain for women u know)
• migraine (pota tlga to)
• pressure to pass a 75% passing rate (hayoooop!!!!!!!)
• a complicated love life (fling lang)
• lvl 48 pa rin ang character ko sa RF
• no income
• wlang boylet (frustrated sexlife hahahha)

For now this is the list i can come up with.. I dont think there's anything too painful here, noh? Im thankful I dont have that many pains and its not at all seeping and tearing me apart. Mai purpose ba lahat? How bout the sexlife thingy? hahahhaha Thank you Lord, mahal mo tlga ako.. Try it, list down ur pains, maybe ull see or atleast understand its purpose..

Again im facing the neverending battle between me and myself.. Its always been like this, even way before I knew this is a war all of us really face on a daily basis. Me against me, isabeau vs isabeau.. Will I ever win, and if i do who is deemed victorious? GAGA!! eh di ikaw pa rin.. hayss me and my gaganess.. Its the usual evil side vs good side, i think.. hehehe But sometimes i dont know who's side im in, both of them are parts of me so inherent to who i am.. if one looses, half of me looses right? So technically its a draw? Why do i have to over analyse things, huh? me and my brain, so full of crap.. hahhaha But what am I aiming for in fighting myself, or in accepting this inner war? I hope to be in full control of who I am, no when to cast the evil me and good me.. Control is key in self actualization.. hayss words i say, i dont even understand sometimes.. why is happiness so, so distant? and i leave with that question.. good luck to everyones fight.